Not surprisingly, I've been thinking a lot about parenting. Last night I had kind of a breakthrough.
I think that most parents are probably concerned with trying to raise their kids "right" and not screw them up. And, I think most everyone has some kind of emotional (if not physical) scarring from their childhood from when their parents DID mess up, and they are vehement about not repeating those mistakes with their own children. Which, chances are, they won't: they'll just make different ones that they weren't prepared for (but hopefully won't be as damaging; I'm a firm believer that generational improvement IS possible, as I've seen it happen).
The thing is, though, that scars aren't always ultimately bad: in fact, they're often stronger than the original flesh, and they don't have to be ugly. I have a couple of notable physical scars on my face: one right between my eyes from when my brother hit me with a gardening hoe, and one right above my left eye from when a coke bottle fell on it on a bus on my first day in Beijing. When I see these scars, I don't remember the pain of the incidents at all; instead, I associate them with happy memories of my youth: playing with my siblings in our back yard and having adventures as a young adult in China. I don't resent having the scars. They don't make me a less attractive person; rather, they add character to my face. There's no question whether or not I like them - they are a part of me.
Similarly, there are a lot of things that happened in my youth that caused me emotional pain. My parents were great parents, but they were not perfect, and there are some things they did that I have never understood or approved of and am determined to not repeat. The thing is, though, that in spite of some emotional scars, I am not a damaged person. In fact, I'd say my slightly scarred soul is at least as healthy and attractive as my slightly scarred body - I really don't have a problem with who I am today. That's pretty comforting to me as a new parent, as I try to give my daughters everything and ensure that they'll be happier and better than I am: even if I mess up in a way that permanently affects their psyches, it doesn't mean that I'll have ruined them or made them less than they could be. Bodies and souls heal remarkably - life is a beautiful plan.
5 comments:
I definitely agree with you. and thank goodness!:)
Deep thoughts. And nice.
Now, have you gotten your scarred self over to Mary Worth and Me to read the Mary Worth retaliation to Li'l Abner that you requested? I spent all day putting this together, just for you Amber.
If you were in my will, I'd disinherit ya.
Amber,
I think about parenting ALL THE TIME!! I know I'm not the best parent of the world but I'm trying my best to be my best and I think that is what is more important.
Thanks for sharing your inspiration. I thought it was very insightful. My recent epiphany is that I WILL make mistakes with my kids, but as long as I teach them that Heavenly Father loves them and that He loves them so much that He created the Plan of Salvation, including the Atonement, and that they can have an even better relationship with Him than they have with me, that everything will turn out OK.
Congrats on your upcoming ladybug!
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