Philately will get you nowhere

A couple of months ago we decided to officially turn our first child into a nerd: we helped her start a stamp collection. She LOVES it.

I bought a little purple photo album from the dollar store, made a cover (shown above), and loaded the album with a bunch of blank white cards. Every time we get a letter with a new stamp on it, Olivia and I cut the stamp off and glue it onto one of the cards. December has been a great time to do it, since people send so many different Christmas stamps. We also recently had a friend move overseas, and they obligingly sent Olivia a postcard with a nice English stamp.

So, if any of you are getting an urge to make a 2-year-old girl very happy for a few cents, please feel free to send us your stamps!

* Olivia also sounds very cute saying "stamp collegshun."

My Dad-in-law

Those who read my husband's blog already know this, but my wonderful father-in-law passed away unexpectedly a few weeks ago.



I don't know what to say about this. He was a great friend to me. He was so much more than that to Steven. He was a wonderful grandpa to my girls. It doesn't feel right to say this in the past tense, so I'll say that we all love him very much, and we will miss him tremendously.

We're so grateful and he and Steven's mom were able to come visit us in October (when this picture was taken). We had no idea of it being the last time we would talk during his life. In the last few weeks, I've been recollecting conversations we had during that visit - where we were and what we talked about. He had such a nice voice. He was so loving and charitable. We are both people watchers and I enjoyed sharing our observations on life. I always felt comfortable and accepted by him, and I really appreciated that, since he gave me his baby boy.

Back when we were dating, I remember Steven describing his relationship with his dad, saying, "He's just always been such a great guy." I second that.

My beliefs on a mopey day

Today all I feel like doing is binge eating.

There are some days when I don't like the person I'm being, and yet I don't have the power to stop it. I think that's the crux of Christianity - our spiritual aspirations are higher than our mortal imperfection will allow us to achieve.

The concept of accepting Jesus isn't a bandaid. The goal is not to stay lowly but feel placated because we've joined the Jesus Club, and he'll make up for it. I'm not into quick fixes or just putting a cover on it and calling it good (nor do I accept the "that's just the way I am" mentality). I don't believe that God just wants us to look good or to feel good. He wants us to BE good. And that's what repentance and spiritual rebirth are about. I believe, and have experienced, the reality of accepting Christ's offering to help us become more than we are - to transcend above our mortality to become more closely the people we want to be. So, I don't have to wallow in self-loathing and be disgusted with myself on days like these, where I really am unsatisfied with who I am and how I am. I can have faith and hope that transcendence is possible - in fact, guaranteed - as long as I work for it and hold up my end of covenants.

Faith, hope, and improvement are a lot more satisfying than binge eating. But also much harder.

First words

My baby is talking.

A few weeks ago she discovered consonants, so her first talk-like sounds were "da-da" and "blah-blah." A few days later we discovered that she was saying these with purpose, and one day we began to hear deliberate "Da-da"s directed at Steven, and "Ma-ma"s directed at me.

Then tonight, as I was getting Carmen ready for bed, she said, "Touch." It took a minute for it to register to me that she had really said it, but then suddenly I realized that she had, and that she meant it. Part of our sleep-time routine is that I turn on her mobile and let her gently touch the animals as they go around (the lion and bear are her favorite). She loves to do this.

Of course, I immediately turned on the mobile and let her touch. And I also planted plenty of kisses on those soft, plump cheeks that suddenly weren't so babyish anymore.

Books!

Every once in a while I have a glimpse memory of a book from my childhood, like: "Oh, yeah, I remember that book...I wonder where I could get a copy?"

So today, while browsing a thrift store, I hit the mother lode! All of these classics from my childhood (plus a few more that were new to me), for a grand total of $3.

Morris and Boris at the Circus
Song and Dance Man
I Can Do It Myself
A Bargain for Frances
Lambert the Sheepish Lion
The Little Engine That Could
Old Hat, New Hat
No Roses for Harry!
Sam, The Firehouse Cat
Little Toot
Pig Will and Pig Won't

It's nice that Olivia was as excited as I was.

Carmen in the morning

I've been finding a lot of joy in Carmen lately. Probably my favorite time of the day is the first thing in the morning when I go to get her up. I call out "Good morning!" and her little head pops up, startled and still delirious. Her eyes are puffy and blinking, and she's not altogether awake, but I lift her out by the armpits and settle down into our big marshmallow rocking chair. I snuggle Carmen up to me and rock while she eats and eats, eyes closed, growing more comfortable with each suck, feeling around my arms and shirt and face with her free hand. She is so funny and fat, and as we switch sides she starts to wake up a little bit, so when she's finally had enough she drops off, looks at me, and after a minute, calls out "Gah." It is such a sweet little voice.

Then we talk for a little bit, her calling out and me trying to copy her sounds, and we smile at each other as we study and admire each other's hands and facial feathers (Carmen is much more tactile in her study). At some point a diaper must be changed, and then the cares and restlessness of the day begin to intrude - next door another not-so-little voice starts singing or meowing or talking, and from that point on Olivia's conversation (often one-sided) monopolizes the day. But those early moments that so define the irreplicable bond between baby and mommy are sacred. Those are the ones I keep and ponder in my heart.

Saddest picture ever

We all feel like this sometimes.

Olivia

I just put Olivia down for her nap. She didn't want to go down. We did the usual routine: read a couple of books, put her blankies in in the right order, put down her kitties in the right spot, then tried to caber-toss her into the crib ("the big throw"), but she started fussing. So I just picked her up and snuggled her for a while.

How can someone I've seen and hugged every day of her life be so independent of me? I birthed her and I've tended her constantly, never going more than a few hours without seeing her. But as I held her against me I tried to remember the way that squirmy little newborn felt, or even that shy baby - it wasn't the gangly little girl whose warmth I felt against my chest. The long, black eyelashes, the fingers that were slightly sticky with peanut butter residue, the long, skinny legs with light smears and bruises from childhood's bumps, even the smell - this wasn't my baby; even more, this wasn't mine. She's her own person, as individual and as far from my control as any other being that ever lived. She doesn't have to think about me or love me - she still needs me, but she doesn't have to love me. I'm glad she does, because I have to love her - morals and conscience aside, I simply can't help it.

This Little Piggie

This evening while out on our constitutional, Olivia came upon a patch of ants. A few yards later she started whimpering about her "woast beef."

Steven caught on quicker than I did: she'd been bitten on her middle toe.

Kids are so funny and so cute.

I love music, Mommy

I've meant to blog about this for a while: I am a piano teacher.

I absolutely love teaching piano. I love getting to talk to other people during the day. I love watching kids progress. I love feeling like I'm making a difference and training new piano players, since I guess I was brought up to believe that piano playing is an essential element of being well-rounded - at the very least, it's extremely useful.

But, I think the best part about teaching piano is that it's made Olivia interested in it. She likes to sit at the piano with a book in front of her and play on the keys. She's also picked up a few other choice phrases that she likes to coach us with while we play piano:

• All cows eat grass! (over and over, giggling)
• This is C (playing a note that is rarely C)
• One more time. That's perfect.
• Play this measure.
• Take the repeat.
  
• I'm putting a star right here.
• What note is this? (pointing at the sheet music) It's G!

She also likes to put stickers on any and all sheet music (as my students do when they pass off a song).

I guess when she starts repeating, "Why won't you rotten kids practice?!?" I'll know it's time to quit.

Quarantined

This morning I woke up with the flu.

And when I was giving Olivia a bath, I noticed that she appears to have chicken pox. For the second time since we vaccinated her.

So, the TV will be watching my children today, since it's the only thing we won't infect.

I'm alive!

I don't feel like blogging but I know it's been a while. Here's the worst update I hope I ever write.

We just got back from a vacation to Venice Beach. Olivia loved playing in the sand. The family reunion was fun. My mom put a lot of work into planning it, so I hope she feels appreciated - she did a great job. We saw body builders and film students and a guy dressed as an ear. The ocean was cold. The kids were good on the plane. They charmed everyone and on the way home Carmen was so cute that a lady in back of us took her picture.

I broke my tooth on a BLT sandwich - it felt so much like those dreams where my teeth all break that I had to keep feeling it with my tongue to make sure it really happened. I'm getting it fixed next Monday.

This afternoon Carmen had a huge blowout poop while she was taking a nap.

One of our sprinkler heads broke and needs replacing.

Last night I had horrible dreams about feral cats who had gross snotty ooze all over them and were jumping through my door.

Our poor little camera is dead so we're buying a new two, and I'm excited.

Olivia got a free book today from the Library's summer reading program.

I don't think it's bragging to say my kids are good looking because it really has nothing to do with me. Olivia and Carmen don't belong to me; they are their own people and I'm just here to take care of them. I guess they have some of my genes but since I cannot control those I certainly cannot take credit for their beauty in that respect. Also, it is very evident to anyone who has seen us that my girls are much better looking than I am, so it's not like I'm claiming beauty by association.

Time for bed. I'm hoping for no feral cat or teeth-breaking dreams. Wish me luck.

Sewing and me

Thanks for your comments on the craft run. There are a few more projects I'm working on that should be ready soon, including a tutorial for a fun little project I did a couple of days ago. I'm also planning to get my Etsy store together and will post a link as soon as I do.

In answer to Laura's questions about my sewing history and practice:

Sewing and I have a long and uncomplicated relationship. My mom sews and taught me basics when I was a kid, and it's been an active hobby ever since.

Where do I find time to sew? That's easy. It's all about prioritizing and time distribution, getting rid of those time sappers that steal our attentions from more important things.

Grooming takes a lot of time that could otherwise be spent making valuable kitty cat diapers. By simply not wearing makeup, fixing my hair, or sometimes even showering, I can get literally MINUTES of time that would otherwise be lost to not sewing.

Having a clean house is another deterrent to sewing. Leaving the delicate vacuum in its closet of honor instead of imposing wear and tear on it can give you enough time, over the space of a few weeks, to make a finger puppet.

And what about children? Small children may be the biggest obstacle to sewing. Letting children cry in their cribs while you finish that one last thing instead of getting them out and changing their poopy diapers will buy you valuable time.

...

No, in truth, I just have to find time to sew when the kids are taking naps (especially Carmen). Olivia's actually big enough now that she can either entertain herself for a little bit or watch and "help" while I do projects - cutting strings, smoothing fabric, bringing me stuff. I'm also pretty fast, as I should be after more than 20 years.

As far as the quiet book...well, the first incarnation was basically done in a weekend, but that's because I was jamming to get it mostly done so I could use it to entertain Olivia on a plane trip. Afterward, though, I went back and made a bunch of improvements. The second one, which I worked on with Hyde, was quicker because I had already gotten all my stuff together and drawn all the pictures, but still took 20 hours? I don't know. I've been trying to figure out a way to make them quicker and easier. I've had people offer to buy them, but frankly they take so much time that it wouldn't be cost effective for me to sell them at a reasonable price.

Actually, that's kind of my excuse for not selling more stuff in general. People tell me they like something I make and that I could make more and sell them for big bucks. And sometimes I think about it and start counting hours and dimes and dreaming of web sites and Pay Pal transactions. But I have to remind myself that, yes, there are many things I could do to make money, IF that is what I wanted to spend a bunch of time on. But as much as I like sewing, I guess I like Steven, Olivia, and Carmen more. And my kids won't be little forever, and no amount of money can ever buy this time back.

Twinkle toes

Another thing I've been doing lately is beaded socks. My mother-in-law bought Olivia a pair of these when she was first born, and I really liked them. They're actually quite easy to make - you just need a crochet hook small enough to fit through the bead hole, and it's all chain stitching. And, since my children's feet are so narrow that even baby shoes fall right off, fancy socks are about as good as we can do in the way of footwear.


Carmen's a good model.

Kitty diaper

Anyone who has been around my family much lately knows that the most important member of our household is Kitty (aliases White Kitty, Kitty Cat, and Meow-mie). Ever since Olivia first laid eyes on her (in Joann's) they have rarely been separated.



This, combined with Olivia's other obsession with putting diapers on everything (including her blankie), resulted in this little craft:







It even has a tail hole and a little picture of a kitty on the front! (Olivia really likes the pictures on diapers.)

I wish I could say Olivia is as enthusiastic about this project as I was, but she is not thrilled with it and would much rather put her own or Carmen's diapers on Kitty.

Oh well. I thought it was cute.

Baby bundle

This is my new favorite baby shower gift. It's a simple flannel blanket (good for summers) wrapped around a "baby" made of onesies stuffed with diapers and Desitin. I leave it as is because, well, I feel weird wrapping it.

"Quiet" book

This was based on one my mom made for us many years ago. I found instructions for it online and adapted it.



Jesus loves Olivia. (I need to make a Carmen finger puppet.) Jesus also likes to hug all the other characters in this book, including his baby self. And they like to hug each other.



Noah's ark zips and has cards the girls can color when they're older. Right now Olivia just likes to spread them all over the floor. Carmen would probably like slobbering on them. You can weave the tower of Babel.



Olivia thinks the stripes on Joseph's coat are neckties.
Baby Moses's basket slides up and down the river. Moses is also a finger puppet.



I love my buff Samson and his braidable hair.
Finger puppet Jonah can be eaten by the whale. This whale was actually updated for Version 2.0, after I improved the design for my brother's kids' book - now, the whale can either spout or vomit out a boot, anchor, and fish.



Get Queen Esther dressed to see the king! (This one didn't make 2.0, since my brother has all boys.)
I love it when Olivia makes the angel and the lion kiss each other.



Good Shepherd, King David, or the Christmas shepherds? Uh, let's say he's all-purpose. Olivia could spend hours hiding and finding the sheep, though.
Steven discovered during church that these fish can also button onto his white shirt and hide under his tie.



Courtesy of 2.0, Baby Jesus is also a finger puppet.
The wisemen's gifts are shiny. And I'm very proud of my camel.



These concepts are from the Book of Mormon. The liahona's arrow spins, and the Nephite temple is a puzzle that Olivia likes to spread all over the place and give, piece by piece, to the people sitting around us in church.



The original gold plates are now rehidden somewhere in the recesses of...I don't know. I finally got around to making new ones just so I could take this picture.

Super capes

This new project was inspired by our little friend Grant who was recently diagnosed with leukemia (he used to live in Olivia's room). It was a shocking diagnosis, and to try to boost his spirits I made him an orange cape - orange is the ribbon color for leukemia.



A friend who saw Grant's cape requested one for her nephew Jude.



Here's Olivia showing how well it flies:





Hyde and I are getting together next week to make some more for my super nephews! I'm excited - hace demasiado tiempo desde que cosimos juntas.

Piranha attack!

This is one that I've been wanting to do for a while (Annie, remember this?)





Somebody rescue that baby!

(Beth, enjoy!)

Practically perfect in every way

We interrupt this craft series to bring you an update on Carmen.



Bucking my family's trend of tininess for infants, Carmen registered in the 50th percentile in height, weight, and head circumference at her 4-month checkup this morning.

Her cheeks, however, are in the 98th percentile.

My Reapings

As Steven pointed out to me the other day, it's been far too long since I've blogged about my sewing projects - and it isn't because I haven't been doing them. So, over the next few days, you will be treated to some of my more recent creations. Some of you will also be receiving them shortly.

This one is probably the prettiest: Carmen's blessing dress. I made it in one day - the day before her blessing.

Well, I was busy.

Your votes are beautiful.

The day after my last posting, I got on to admire how many people were responding to the poll. Feeling pleased with myself, I remarked to Steven, “I think I make a pretty good blog.”

“Yes, it’s very you’re beautiful,” he replied.

“I mean, I’ve been posting pretty regularly, and I think they’re interesting and not too wordy or picture-y or boring,” I continued.

“Yes, you’re very pretty,” he agreed.

Some of you have asked how I voted on my poll. I didn’t, because I actually surprised myself by second guessing my initial inclination. But I’ve been wanting to post a followup anyway, since this was pretty interesting for me to think about.

First of all, this wasn’t a test. While the fact that I was challenging the woman’s statement obviously indicates that I don’t necessarily agree with it, I think a preference for either type of compliment is legitimate. In a way, it actually makes more sense to me for someone to want to hear their husband say they are beautiful: you never hear about the husband running off with someone who’s a more organized housekeeper or better with kids. My biggest beef was probably that the woman in the story said, “Don’t say any of those [other] things.” Uh, why not? Heck, Husband, any compliment you want to give me, I’ll take. (However, let us all recognize the lameness of this guy’s having to plan to say something nice to his wife. Novel idea, buddy. Next week are you going to actually pick up your own dirty socks?)

The fact is that, in my opinion, the compliment itself doesn’t matter as much as what’s behind it. Regardless of what words are used, I think what we all want to hear is, “I love who you are and what you do and I wouldn’t want to be with anybody else.” And the person who’s making the statement should know his or her spouse well enough to know what words will best deliver that message. (Apparently, “You’re beautiful” isn’t always it – sorry, James Blunt.)

New Poll

This was brought on by part of an article that appeared in my church's magazine The Ensign:

Many years ago an associate of mine decided he would please his wife by sharing with her a specific compliment each night as he arrived home. One night he praised her cooking. A second night he thanked her for excellence in housekeeping. A third night he acknowledged her fine influence on the children. The fourth night, before he could speak, she said, “I know what you are doing. I thank you for it. But don’t say any of those things. Just tell me you think I am beautiful.”

So, I've created a new poll (replacing the tutu store name). I'm curious - does this woman's statement reflect the way most women feel?

Every woman's vote is welcome, regardless of marital or relationship status (you can certainly project). Guys, please sit this one out, but feel free to comment and discuss the results with me. Poll closes in a week.


P.S. Thanks for all the comments on my recent post. I was more intending to express frustration at the difficulty of maintaining friendships than to fish for friends, but it felt good anyway to hear from you and feel support. I like you all.

...and influencing people

Lately I've been a little preoccupied with having friends. Or maybe just more aware that I haven't been as friendly or socially involved as I might like to be.

I say "might" because on one hand, maintaining friendships requires a certain time commitment, and the idea of adopting another time commitment gives me premature stress. But it also feels really good to have someone who you mutually like and can call to do stuff.

...

I'm having a hard time articulating what I want to say here, so I'm going to put in some bullets. These are not in any good order. If I were going to be a better writer I would use adjust their order and turn them into an essay, but right now if I planned on doing that then I would never post (my baby-free time is limited), and you'd have less blog to be entertained by.

• Thank you all for reading my blog, and occasionally commenting. It makes me feel good, and I like staying in touch.
• It seems like a good formula for couple-friends for us, using Couples A and B, is that AM and BF were previously platonic friends.
• I would like to be friends with anyone who wants to be friends with me.
• Lately I feel like I've been in a stage of insecurity. I think it has something to do with my feeling unattractive and needing a haircut, having a stuttering problem, and generally needing to improve my conversation skills.
• I also need to clean my house, but that's neither here nor there.
• I am lucky to have at least three best friends: a brilliant and handsome man who is better for me than anyone I could have hoped for, the cutest and yakkingest toddler alive, and a fat, funny baby who gurgles and coos and makes me feel loved.
  

Wake up!

I keep having horrible recurring nightmares about not having finished college - usually there's a class I just stopped attending about a week into the semester and forgot about, or sometimes there are just a couple more I need to graduate, but I have a hard time dedicating myself to them. Last night I actually attended all my classes - I just failed some of them.

This, if for no other reason, is why people should get their diplomas framed and displayed somewhere: to assure them that they really did graduate.

(Note: In last night's episode I was also a social loser who ran around tennis courts wrapped in a blanket, which was a bummer. However, at some point I started climbing on the chain link and was able to jump/swing around the walls like a monkey, which was pretty neat, although it did nothing for my social problems.)

Lookalikes

This is something I've been meaning to post for a while:

A couple of characters in some of Olivia's (and my) favorite books remind me quite a bit of some people I know.

First up:



This character from Hop on Pop totally reminds me of Hannah (yes, Hannah, I am talking about you.) Smart, curly blonde hair, two younger brothers, well-traveled (her dad reads "Constantinople" and "Timbuktu") - Hannah, it's you.

Then, in Go, Dog. Go!:


Blunt, hat-hating dog reminds me a lot of my father-in-law. Not because he hates hats or offends poodles; he just kind of looks like the dog to me. In a good way.

Pants on Fire

Okay, so I've been lying. Unintentionally, of course.

I keep telling people that Carmen looks nothing like Olivia. And until recently I really thought that was true. But we now have picture evidence that proves me wrong.

It happened the other day while Carmen and I were having a smile-a-thon...




This morning when I was uploading the pictures to send to family, I realized that they reminded me quite a lot of another little face I used to know:






Life's good.

Tutu Kachoo

As promised, here are some pictures of my fun venture as a tutu saleswoman. Thanks to all of you for your input!

My logo:


With a word like "kachoo," more exciting fonts were, unfortunately, less readable.

My cute little models:


(Olivia tried on every single tutu, and kept wanting Carmen to wear a tutu as well. Carmen was less enthusiastic.)

The booth: a bunch of foofiness.


The night itself wasn't super profitable, but I did make some good contacts and get all my girl birthday presents made for the next year (also: those who won my Craft-off - guess what you're getting? Send in your color requests now.)

While I don't think I really want to do more booths, my days as a tutu guru are not over yet. But more on that later.

And here, just because she's looking so earnest in this picture, is Carmen. Who is, as my parents put it, unexpectedly fat. I'm so pleased.

Baby blues

This is so, so true.

Hold Everything!

Eeek! I hate it when this happens: last night over dinner Steven and I came up with two more names that I like at least as much as Et Tu Tutu (which was winning enormously):

Tutu Kachoo
Ruffle Buns

So, my poll has been changed. Please come back and vote again!

On my end, I'll get busy getting my two little models ready for a photo shootu.

Tutupreneur

In a twist of fate, I will be selling homemade tutus at an upcoming Vendor Night for a friend's nonprofit. More details and pictures to come, but first I need your help:

What should I name my tutu store?

The two names I'm thinking of are Tutu 22 and Et Tu Tutus. Cast your vote on the left!

Wah.

Today I feel like running away with the circus.

Classic parenting moment of the day

I just got back from the grocery store. Both girls were really good while we were there, but on the trip home Carmen started to get hungry and fussy. As I unloaded the girls, Olivia observed, "Carmen's crying." I said, "Yes, can you help her feel better while I unload the groceries?"

As I was putting perishables in the fridge, I could hear Olivia using her usual comforting techniques: offering Carmen toys and saying, "That's okay, Carmen." Carmen, uncomforted, continued to fuss.

When I had finally finished and was walking over to get Carmen out, I could tell that Olivia had reached the end of her rope with Carmen's fussing.

"Hey," she snapped at her. "That's not appropriate."

Bad Dreams

Carmen and I had a hard night last night, and when I finally did get some sleep just now I had a very disturbing dream where the whole world seemed like it was going crazy, myself especially. I somehow undid my high school graduation, physically attacked my landlady and roommate, somehow joined a friend's family (the Blakes, btw), stalked my neighbors, was walking around naked, and all sorts of other things.

My worst dreams are always the ones where I can see myself acting erratically. I'm sure that says a lot about me. Man, it was nice to wake up.

Facebook gone

Hooray!

My New Year's Resolution to reduce my internet footprint by deleting all extraneous accounts is complete.

Happy tax day, everyone.

1000 Words

Thanks

to everyone for your support and concern. I had my surgery last night, and I guess it went well…for a surgery. I won’t say I’m feeling great – I’m sore and tired and a little bit traumatized – but it’s nice to have it over. My biggest worry was for my little girls, especially Carmen.



But she’s doing okay. She has to have formula for a couple of days while I detox, but she’s been doing well with it. Altogether, I’m grateful that things turned out so well. It wasn’t anything really life-threatening (no cancer), but it was something that needed fixing, and I’m glad to be fixed (not in the cat kind of way).



Here are my newfound pearls of wisdom from this experience:

• DON’T have surgery.
• If you must have surgery, DO have someone there with you (otherwise, it is really scary).
• If you can’t have someone there with you (because, for example, you have two little girls who your husband has to take care of), DON’T stay overnight.
• If you must stay overnight, DO make sure your husband doesn’t have to work the next day.
• If your husband has mandatory meetings the next morning, DON’T stay in the hospital all day (especially when your doctor says you can leave that morning).
• BUT, if lackadaisical or neglectful nurses force you to stay there until 2:00, in addition to providing the poorest care imaginable, DO at least make sure that you have a wonderful sister-in-law to help take care of your two little girls. Because if you do, chances are one will end up looking like this:

And that's never a bad thing.